Can Hurt Me Sometimes

An Individual in the Teams

“For someone with a book called ‘Can’t Hurt Me’, David Goggins sure gets hurt a lot.”

-Max DiDario

              “Can’t Hurt Me” is the auto-biography of ultra-marathon runner and former Navy SEAL David Goggins.  It also attempts to act as a self-help book with recommended exercises at the end of each chapter.  Goggins was born in Buffalo, NY where he lived until his parents divorced when he was about eight years old.  He was abused and saw his mother abused by his father which had a long-lasting impact.  He and his mother then moved to Brazil, Indiana where he experienced racism and struggled in high school.  After high school he spent five years in the Air Force before returning to civilian life in 1999 where he worked as an exterminator.  Goggins became over weight and ended up weighing nearly 300 pounds when he decided to become a Navy Seal.  He lost over 100 pounds in three months in order to get accepted into the SEAL training program (BUD/S).  Due to sickness and injuries, it took him three tries to complete BUD/S and become a SEAL.  Goggins spent 15 years in the Navy where he was assigned to two SEAL platoons, worked as a land warfare instructor, and as a Navy recruiter.  While in the Navy he started running ultra-marathons to raise money for charity and became well known as a high-level endurance athlete.  He was discharged from the Navy in 2015 and worked as a wildland firefighter and a public speaker while continuing to run ultra-races. 

It seems that some of what makes Goggins so remarkable and able to perform feats of endurance and other physical challenges is his obsessive personality.  He becomes laser focused on a goal and then obsessively works to accomplish it.  Reading between the lines, one can infer this has affected his personal relationships.  By his own account, in his first platoon he worked well with his teammates but was told by his platoon commander that he would learn more and be more successful if he spent some time hanging out with the other SEALs off duty.  He says this was not an option for him because he is an introvert and because he spent all his time off duty studying tactics and preparing to screen for the Navy SEALs most elite unit, Development Group (DEVGRU).  When he arrived at his second platoon and was put in charge of physical fitness training, he immediately became ostracized for making workouts that were too long and difficult for the other SEALs.  He tested for DEVGRU after his second platoon and performed well on the physical portion.  He felt his interview went well, but when he was not selected, he admitted it was likely his bad reputation in the SEAL teams that prevented him from getting the position.

              This combination of obsessive personality and bad interpersonal skills come together when he is trying to accomplish a difficult task.  Goggins frequently focuses on an individual as an enemy and then uses that animus to drive his success.  In BUD/S he was focused on beating the instructors, especially Psycho Pete.  In his first platoon he was constantly trying to beat his OIC and chief in their workouts.  His animosity towards all the other members of his second platoon made him work out even harder to spite them.  Once he started his ultra-marathon career, he imagined the race organizer for the Badwater 135 was judging him and used this imagined conflict as motivation to prove him wrong.  When Goggins broke the pull up record he visualized the record holder, who he had never met, and imagined this man was a mad scientist who was torturing him and possessing his soul.  He thought if he could push through the sets of pull ups he would take the record and the evil genius’s soul.

              Goggins is also very aware of his race and often refers to himself as “the only” in any given situation because he is sometimes the only black person.  He grew up mostly in rural Indiana in a town that had an active group of Ku Klux Klan members and he was often called racial slurs as a child.  As a teenager and an adult, he seems to have the perception, true or not, that he is being judged or mistreated on the basis of his race.  He refers to it so frequently that sometimes the context doesn’t really make sense.  When he goes to see the navy recruiter he says, “Every sailor in that office—all of them white—were surprised to see me except Schaljo.”  He doesn’t explain why their race was important but the inference is that white sailors have either a dislike for black men or a disbelief they will be able to make it in the SEAL Teams.  Maybe these recruiters were racists, but maybe they didn’t think someone who was 100 pounds overweight would make a good SEAL candidate.  Or maybe his perceptions are distorted by his own insecurities and general anger towards other people.  During his first 100-mile race he started to hallucinate after 50 miles and he imagined that people were running around him in circles mocking him for being the only black man in the race.  He realized moments later the other runners were focused on the course and were not even noticing him.  There does not seem to be an anti-black prejudice in the world of distance running and Goggins never identifies one either.

              A deeper analysis of his behavior and comments shows an anti-social attitude and a victim mentality.  As a junior in high school, he is cut from the varsity basketball team despite the fact he is one of the best players on the team.  He says he was cut, “because I was angry at the coaches for how they used me on the JV team the year before, I didn’t attend summer workouts, and they took that as a lack of commitment to the team.  They didn’t know or care that when they cut me, they’d eliminated any incentive I’d had to keep my GPA up, which I’d barely managed to do through cheating anyway.  Now, I had no good reason to attend school.”  Since he had a disagreement with the coaches he stopped attending practice and was cut from the team.  This sounds reasonable.  Then, when he is cut from the team for his own actions, he continues to blame the coaches for his poor academic performance.

              Later, once he started having success as an ultra-runner, he was invited by an unnamed millionaire to stay at a mansion in Hawaii before a race.  While staying in the mansion with his mother, Goggins says about the host, “He would never have invited me to come chill with him in Kona luxury back in the day.  He only reached out because I’d become somebody a rich guy like him wanted to know.”  Obviously, the millionaire only reached out because he was someone a rich guy wanted to know.  Would it make sense for a person of great wealth to want to spend time with David Goggins the overweight bug exterminator who he himself admits was far less than he could and should be?  Or would a person with those resources want to use them to meet David Goggins the Navy SEAL ultra-marathon runner?  How exactly is this a bad thing?  And why can’t he just be grateful for the hospitality?

              Goggins also criticizes the SEAL Teams for what seems like his own negativity.  When he graduated from BUD/S he said the celebration of his classmates annoyed him because he was sorry to see BUD/S go.  He later comments, “One thing that surprised me about military special operations was that some of the guys lived so mainstream.  They weren’t trying to push themselves every day of their lives, and I wanted to be around people who thought and trained uncommon 24/7, not just when duty called.”  When he was told by his first platoon commander, “you’d understand the job a little better if you hung out with the guys more.  That’s when I learn the most about operating in the field, hanging with the boys, hearing their stories.  It’s important to be part of the group.”  Goggins says that was not possible for him because he is an introvert and spends his off-duty time studying tactics, weaponry, and war.  He complains that he should not have to socialize with his teammates after hours to prove his value.  He says, “I realized I was part of the (SEAL) Teams—not the brotherhood.”  Then when he is assigned to land warfare as an instructor he says, “Men who lacked my skills, commitment, and athletic ability were in the field in two countries and I was moored in no-man’s-land, wondering how it had all gone so haywire so quickly.”

              Throughout the book, Goggins insinuates he was a superior operator in the SEAL Teams and he also admits he did not get along with others.  It’s well known that individuals can be highly skilled in a specific craft such as basketball or weapons and tactics, but if they are unable to work as part of a team they are of little value in a team setting.  In all likelihood, he was very technically skilled in everything he did, but it is obvious that every time he was part of a team he would clash with his peers and supervisors.  This would account for why he became so good when he found ultra-racing.  It is extremely challenging both physically and mentally, and it is an individual sport.  A dedicated person with terrible social skills would fit right in. 

              The book is not all complaints and victimhood.  There are some times when he seems to realize his faults and gives some practical advice.  “Your life is not messed up because of overt racists or hidden systemic racism.  You aren’t missing out on opportunities, making no money, and getting evicted because of America or Donald Trump or because your ancestors were slaves or because some people hate immigrants or Jews or harass women or believe gay people are going to hell.  If any of that stuff is stopping you from excelling in life, I’ve got some news.  You are stopping you!”  In fact, most of the book is full of practical advice on how to improve your life and how to become mentally and physically stronger.  The problem is it only takes one turd to spoil the entire punchbowl.  If he could just take out that hint of social justice ideology and spend a little more time addressing how his mindset and behavior towards other people had been one of his biggest hurdles to success in team environments, this would have been an outstanding story of perseverance against all odds.  Instead, the reader has to alternate between being impressed and being annoyed and what should be an inspiring story comes off as a low-key trash talking session about most people who are not David Goggins.